Ever felt like you might be getting to just about the spot where you should be?  Like there may be a shift in the universe in your favor?  A shift allowing for you to reach a destination that once you thought you could only dream of?

I think i am approaching that station.  Thirteen years after a journey –  one which has taken me through several therapists (two of which deserve a hearty thank you and a lot of credit – Susan and Jodi), the sad, senseless death of someone I loved very much, a wedding (mine) and a bankruptcy (yup, I just said that), four kids, two near divorces, an intense and surprising fondness for all things music, yoga, a still unpublished novel (for now anyway), an art studio space, the loss of my mother, an extreme fondness for herbal remedies, and an awesome life coach (thanks Laura) – I finally feel as though I am possibly heading in the right direction. Or, at the least, I am relaxed enough to simply allow the path to unfold in front of me rather than feeling like I need to control it so darn heavily.

My yoga teacher this morning (the best practice I may have ever had) reminded us of a quote from the book by Elizabeth Gilbert,  Eat Pray Love. Here is how it goes:

“Man is neither entirely a puppet of the gods, nor is he entirely the captain of his own destiny; he’s a little of both. We gallop through our lives like circus performers balancing on two speeding side-by-side horses-one foot is on the horse called “fate” the other on the horse called “free will”. And the question you have to ask everyday is, Which horse is which? Which horse do I need to stop worrying about because it’s not under my control, and which do I need to steer with concentrated effort?”

I have spent many years trying to answer this question with the rides of my life. I am realizing that, just as in yoga it becomes imperative to focus on your center for balance and harmony, so too is this important in life. The answer to the above dilemma is both in my eyes. And the only way to be able to hold on to this ride of our lives is by grabbing those reigns, strengthening our center (who we really are, despite what we wish we were, or what others think we should be, or what some demand us to be) and allowing fate to lead us, as we simultaneously use our free will (at times mistakenly) (or so we might think at the time) toward where we are destined to end up.  No matter how much we try to control things, the more circuitous our route becomes through this world. This is by no means a bad thing.  To simply hang on and allow this ride (life) to lead you via your heart will let you be who you are destined to become. Only you know who that is.  Only you will, by staying centered, find the balance you need to figure out your own truth.  Your mind and personal precedent will guide, yet not force.  Just as we are taught in yoga to push to the point of slight discomfort but not force to the point of pain.  We all have that gut feeling that enables us to feel and see what’s right. It’s just that sometimes we choose to ignore it or we worry what others will think of it.  

At this same yoga class, my teacher mentioned several affirmations regarding feeling centered and one of them spoke to me the most:

“I am able to create on purpose. Joyfully.”

This one spoke to my innermost self. The one that doubts my ability to write and write well.  The one that tries to tell me what I should be doing with my life.  The one that tries to rush me to make decisions and commitments I am not yet ready to make.  The one that urges me to try things and to follow what my heart is telling me.  The one that tells me I am wasting time when I pick up a coloring book and color, or facebook surf (or stalk, if that’s what you prefer to call it. It certainly feels that way doesn’t it?  Facebook sucks me down paths I never imagined I would go! There is a LOT of crap that must be utilized to “separate the wheat from the chaff,” so to speak. No offense. I simply mean what makes meaning for me), to help my thoughts come to fruition.

And so I thank you, if you are indeed still with me at the end of this rambling post.  I hope you can remain centered, even when it feels like those “fate” and “free will” horses are really taking you for a ride.  And, remember…when in doubt, squeeze your inner thighs.  You can make peace with them after all.